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6/16/12 11:04 am

As proof that I am still alive:

Recently, I purchased a bird feeder that is designed to hang off of a window or door. My dad said I must be pretty hopeful if I expected any birds to use it. But starting a couple days ago, a few brave birds have been hopping on it. I think it's mostly because I haven't filled the tube feeders in a few days, so they're taking what they can get. They won't come when the shade is open, so the effect of having birds feed right next to you is a little lost. Oh well.

The squirrels have also been taking advantage of the door feeder. I keep hearing them crawl up the door frame and leaping the foot and a half to the feeder. However, for whatever reason, this seems to be a particularly difficult jump, so they have a bad luck of missing the feeder and hitting the ground.

I have things to do today--open a new savings account, write a letter to S, put a blanket on the line. More laundry. My mom wants me to go to a work event of hers--she is promising me pony rides. It's up in Edmond, though, and I don't really want to drive to Edmond.

Such it is!

2/20/12 12:04 pm


occasionally, I get alerts from this. mostly spambots wanting to get me rich or something like that. How kind, considering my financial wellbeing!

In any case, having a decent salary and good benefits is working out pretty well. Life is mostly boring, but that's pretty okay by me. it feels rather unambitious, but I am not a particularly ambitious person in many ways. My tea collection is much larger than before, but that is to be expected.

in other words, the world has not stopped spinning.

11/14/10 02:03 am

i had a whole post written up

i deleted it

i didn't see the point in posting.

it felt like saying the sky was blue.

7/28/10 12:37 am

WELL THEN seeing as some people still apparently enjoy using the el-jays, I will attempt to talk about my life to people not immediately in the vicinity!

I am employed!! My goal was to have a job by June, and I was really frustated on May 31st that I was nowhere near employment, but on June 1st, my now-manager called and said I had it! I was so happy I did a funny kick thing, which in retrospect I realized I was doing a golpe, just not completing the stomp.

Speaking of golpes, I want to go back to doing flamenco. I want my hands to move like little doves!! I've thought about asking my dad to bring in like, a 3x3 piece of wood so that I could practice in my room, but the boys are home right now, it's not really an option. We have classes here, somewhere, but yeah...

But anyway, work. I work with the Women's Resource Center, and... I can't really talk about my work too much! I have noticed that I have developed an odd sort of disconnect with the phones, though. Oh, and drama ducks. the drama ducks

So... life has been work, mostly. a little raging at Ozone, the occasional urge to just break down in tears because hello stressful family life, and the occasional bout of retail therapy because oh god paychecks how I've missed you

Going to visit Dr. Talley, soon. My mom is not happy about it, but oh well.

School starts soon, and I have a vacation coming up! I will enjoy not being home and will very much enjoy spending money!! Money!! I like money!!

5/27/10 11:23 am - Writer's Block: Bitter aftertaste

Do you judge people based on their taste in music? How has musical taste either enhanced or detracted from your relationships (including friends, roommates, and romantic partners)?

One of my brothers once said that there is no bad music; we just haven't found the right situation for it yet. I don't quite agree with the statement, but I think it's a good point. Just because you don't care for something doesn't necessarily means it's terrible. I mean, I don't like mashed potatoes--or potatoes in general, but I won't judge someone for eating them. There are better reasons to judge/dislike/like someone than their musical tastes.

A story!Collapse )

5/14/10 02:19 pm

The package from HK arrived, missing one of the items. It was only a dollar, so I didn't bother pestering the company. John's package from Austria hasn't arrived yet, though he sent it a couple weeks ago.

Finals are done, I am still unemployeed. Meant to go job hunting today, but rain. Fucking rain.

Actually, if it wasn't for my dog barking every 30odd minutes because of the storms, I'd enjoy the weather a bit more. That and if my car didn't act up when wet.

I could be getting ready for commencement.... but I decided to take an extra semester. I will probably regret that decision in mid-November.

3/21/10 05:03 pm

I think I may have found a soap that works for my skin. I spent an hour reading about glycerin soaps, which are apparently good for my eczema trying to figure out if it was chance or actually something. It has a nice scent--lavender and frankincense--, and my skins doesn't feel dry at all.

Life is continuing on, despite the snow. Winter is hard, but spring is beautiful, and nothing ever stops. Spring break has been nice; I was out of town for the weekdays my parents were home, so the rest of the week was spent (mostly) by myself, something that I liked. The drive back from Arkansas really wore me out socially, so it was good to be on my own.

It snowed on the first day of spring. If I believed more in omens, I might be concerned, but I live between two different fronts--snow in the spring isn't unheard of, though the fact that it actually stuck is a little odd. No matter, most of it's melted on one it's way to being gone. Tuesday's forecast is offering temperatures in the seventies, and I am not worried.

I did spend some time in the church garden, trying to collect my thoughts, before the rain set in on Friday, but I couldn't. Too much noise in the background, like static on a television screen. Maybe it was the noise, maybe the moment wasn't right, or maybe I just don't have anything to focus on.

I have, slowly and steadily, been subject to a few realizations over the past few months. They aren't unpleasant, but they feel funny, like driving someone else's car. It annoys me, but I am not upset.

I feel impatient. The future is not waiting for me, and I am moving towards it, but it feels almost like I'm plodding now.

2/4/10 11:10 pm

I hate it when people get too close to me, when I can smell their breath. I just want to snort on them. Merry Christmas, motherfucker, respect my personal space. But after my mother takes her pills, she doesn't understand it. I swear to God, if it ever comes down to it, I would rather swallow the entire bottle of Ambien then to rely on it for the rest of my life.

I've found myself in a position I hate to be in. I finally decided that I would graduate this May if a specific class that I had been wanting to retake wasn't going to be offered in the fall; I don't think I expected it to actually be offered. And now, though my decision seemed so firm three days ago, I suddenly hate it. But it's what I need to do, and if I'm able to...

I just want to move on. If I take another semester, my mother will have a shit fit. She hates the idea of me not graduating "on time." I don't know whether or not to be impressed with the fact that she knows it's my fourth year--she can't be assed to remember my schedule, even though she saw me leave every Tuesday at 10.00am and come back at 4.00pm, then leave again at 5.30pm. She never figured out that I was going to class.

She's depressed. I know. There's nothing I can do about anything with her at this point. Well, except for the times I can go to my dad. But then she yells at me for telling him that she threatened to kick me out.

Well, at least my dad supports me. He won't tell me that my education is useless and I don't need it. At least I have that.

haha. The other day I thought it was strange that I hadn't been hit with SADD yet. Haha. ha ha.

Spring will come soon enough. The snow hasn't killed the daffodils that budded last week, and God willing, won't. Soon enough, my reserves which were hit so hard this past year will come back. I'll be able to start biking again, start moving. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a job that'll work with my schedule, and then I'll take another flamenco class. Maybe, instead of picking up a pencil or pulling up Word and just staring ahead, I'll start writing again.

There's a while yet between here and there, though. But I'll finish my cider, make a cup of tea, and read. Or maybe I'll just go to bed. Maybe I'll do some work on a paper. When are those journals due, anyway?

No matter what, I'll just take a deep breath and continue on. I may be stalled, but I won't let this stop me.

12/2/09 01:56 pm

I know you all languish over details of my personal life

Today I went to the JuST lunch lecture; not really unusual, particularly because today's lecture was of relevance to my paper. However, once I get on campus, the steering wheel of my car mysteriously STOPS TURNING and the battery light lit up any time I tried. 'Well, fuck me silly,' I think, and park in Goddard because I really don't want to try to drive farther than that, plus, I was late already. It was fine an hour later. Maybe something with the power steering, maybe baby Jesus chastising me for taking those extra 15 minutes to sleep longer.

Earlier mentioned paper's deadline has been expanded. I have another week. Woooo. Need to meet with Dr. S about some people; EJ2 only has a brief paragraph on Basri, which mentions that Basri did no writing about Jews. Considering the document in my hand, either someone's stupid, or EJ3 will have more information.

It is December 2, and we have yet to turn the heater on. We have been using the oven to heat the house. It works, but one day, someone's going to die. I should probably care more than I do.

On the other hand, Christmas! And Christmas lights. And trees.

I actually really enjoy this time of year.

ps--I realy don't give a shit if you think Lady Gaga is hot or not. She's pretty freaking awesome. And crazy. show me your teeth

10/30/09 08:19 pm

You know, I think the next time that someone has a fit at me because '[I] wasn't what [they] thought [I] was' or that '[I] used to be so much sweeter and happier~' I will simply direct them to this.


No, no one has said that to me since the summer. I was just cleaning out my folder on the computer and found an old conversation that ~inspired~ me. It will be my form of flipping them off, because lolololol yeah, whatevs, bitches. You go on being your special snowflake self.

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